Hey there! After spending the last two and a half months trying to get the hang of being a mom, here I am writing with my little daughter in my arms. I thought it’s the perfect time to share my birth preparation journey while my experiences and knowledge are still fresh.
Before we dive in, let me clarify that every pregnancy journey, birth, baby, and parenthood is unique and personal. So, what I’m about to share are my own experiences. But hey, if you find something useful for yourself in all this, I’ll be thrilled! 🙂
About a year ago, when I found out I was pregnant, I admit I was mostly focused on the medical aspect of it all. But now, with my newfound wisdom, I can tell you that the whole pregnancy and birth preparation can be broken down into four significant stages. And in order of importance, here they are:
- Mental preparation
- Choosing the right birth supporters
- Getting ready for postpartum
- Physical preparation
Let’s talk about these in a more chill way, from least to most important.
Physical preparation:
Birth is a marathon, my friend! It’s a pretty long and tiring process. For me, from the time my contractions started until my baby finally arrived, a whopping 20 hours passed! And guess what? That’s totally normal, especially for first-time moms. So, it’s essential to get yourself ready for this exciting adventure. During my pregnancy, I stayed active by doing pilates and prenatal yoga, thanks to my amazing doula, Nilüfer. I can proudly say I hardly suffered from back pain! And as time went on, I upped my walking game and, towards the end, the pilates ball became my BFF. I was all about trying out the recommended movements to make birth easier and increase my hip mobility 😄
Of course, I also tried to watch what I ate and focused on clean eating as much as possible. Okay, okay, I admit I couldn’t resist the occasional cravings for pastries and sweets 😛 But hey, good nutrition is essential for preventing stretch marks.
The last bit of physical preparation was creating a birth plan and sharing it with my doctor, midwife, and birth supporters. Planning for the big day was part of the whole process, so I had a good chat with my midwife to get my plan in place.
Preparation for postpartum:
You might wonder, what does postpartum have to do with birth prep, right? I had my doubts too! At first, I thought we women might be making a big fuss about it, and it can’t be that tough. I even joked that my doula would probably skip this part during her training. But guess what? I had a tougher six weeks than I expected.
By the way, let me tell you, postpartum is not a quick 40-day thing. Yes, after six weeks, you do start to feel a bit better and get the hang of it. But trust me, postpartum is as unique as you are!
The most significant preparation here is having the right support system. I mean, someone who understands you, supports you, and treats you like a princess for a while! Of course, the baby might seem like the star of the show, but let’s not forget that mama needs some serious TLC too. When you take good care of the mama, she’s all set to take care of the baby and form that beautiful bond. You need friends, other moms, and a doula who’ll encourage you, answer your questions, and sometimes just be there to listen when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Oh, by the way, I mentioned “doula” a few times earlier, and if you’re wondering what that is, I’ll explain it in the next section.
Unfortunately, due to the increase in COVID-19 cases and new variants, we couldn’t have our families with us, and my hubby was my only physical support. He took an extended leave for the first six weeks, and let me tell you, I’ll never forget how he cared for me like a prince! Now and then, I wished my mom could be there to comfort me, and my hubby filled that role when I shed a few tears. My doula was my rock, encouraging me through the ups and downs of breastfeeding. Sometimes, she talked sense into me when I felt overwhelmed, and other times, she simply listened when I needed to vent. My mom couldn’t be there in person, but she was just a phone call away, calming me down whenever I needed it. And my dear cousin, who went through similar experiences, became one of my biggest supporters.
Oh, and guess what? I found myself a whole tribe! A group of women who’ve been through it all, praying for each other’s births, celebrating the transition to motherhood, and sharing everything without fear of judgment while mourning the old life… Most of us had given birth recently, and one of my university friends became my postpartum sister, someone I talked to almost every day. It was so great to start getting back to normal life with her by my side!
Choosing the right birth supporters:
I used to think that it’s the doctors and nurses who deliver babies, and I’m just there to assist. But boy, was I wrong! Let me tell you something: Birth is a woman’s job!
In my eyes, everyone present in the room during childbirth, except the woman giving birth, becomes a birth supporter. And as an expectant mom, I believe it’s essential to take on this responsibility and actively play a part.
Choosing the right birth supporters makes a huge difference. I was lucky to have my dear friend’s advice, which led me to decide to work with a doula, even before I got pregnant. By the way, “doula” is pronounced “dula,” and it means a woman who supports you during birth. They’re like superheroes providing physical, emotional, and informational support. But for real, they become your closest friend, confidant, and eventually, family. Due to the COVID-19 restrictions, we worked with Nilüfer online, and let me tell you, it felt like we had known each other forever! We were a dream team, and she supported both me and my husband, making our journey to birth and parenthood smoother than ever.
Oh, and you gotta be smart about choosing your hospital and healthcare team for the big day. In England, midwives take care of the pregnancy and birth process unless there’s a significant issue. Just like during pregnancy, I hardly saw the doctor during birth—like a short and sweet visit, you know? Now, from what I’ve heard from my friends in Turkey, choosing the right doctor is crucial. Fortunately, I was surrounded by women who were all about natural births, and that was so empowering and supportive! If I had to choose a doctor, I’d definitely go for one who supports natural birth and do my research to take control of my own birthing journey. Hey, if needed, I wouldn’t hesitate to switch hospitals or doctors. The most important thing to remember as an expect
ant mom is that we have the right to question, ask, speak up if we don’t want something, and never do anything that doesn’t feel right.
Mental preparation:
Alright, folks, this is the most crucial part (Drum roll, please! 🥁). When I found out I was pregnant and finally got rid of the nausea, my first thought was, ‘How much is it going to hurt?’ It was also around that time that I attended Nilüfer’s workshop on birth pain. And you know what? That workshop changed my perspective completely, and it allowed me to handle labor without any pain medication, just as my heart desired. Of course, I might have needed or wanted pain relief, but what I’m trying to say is how crucial mental preparation is. My mind was prepared for whatever came my way, whether it was waves, contractions, or whatever you call them.
As the due date approached, I increased my breathing exercises, and it really helped me stay focused. It was especially helpful during the parts of labor when I turned inward. I was in the zone, completely forgetting everyone in the room, including my hubby, and solely focusing on my breath, myself, and my baby. Besides, those positive birth affirmations that I listened to during my walks were like magic! They made me feel so good, and during labor, the same sounds echoed in my mind.
You know what else? I surrounded myself with positive birth stories and tried to avoid the negative ones. I talked to people who uplifted me when I needed it.
And let me tell you a secret: We women have been giving birth for centuries, keeping the human race going! I have the strength and capability to do it just like all the women before me. You know what makes birth complicated? It’s us, because we like to make everything complicated. The key to a positive mental attitude during birth is this realization. And you know what? I had to experience all the preparation steps I mentioned earlier to get to this point. By the way, after all these preparations, my birth didn’t go exactly as planned. It was supposed to be a water birth at the birth center, but we ended up in the hospital under supervision. But you know what? That’s how it was meant to be. Being prepared for chaos, embracing it, questioning, and not doing anything that didn’t feel right is what it’s all about.
Bonus: As I’m wrapping up the article, I remembered one thing I wish I had done better: preparing for breastfeeding. Even though I looked into it, the first week of breastfeeding is challenging, and I wish I had been more prepared.
And finally, to all you expecting moms reading this, I wish you a birth as smooth as water, no matter how it happens (vaginal or cesarean), and welcome you to the tribe! 😊
Sending lots of love,
Rose
Photo by Rebekah Vos on Unsplash